SNOW!!!!!!!!

Well..... I'm home!!! Got here Wednesday the 17th..... one appointment this next week on Wednesday and then NO appointments until January 5th!!!!! Ron, Hailey, Charles, and I went sledding at Jennings Park yesterday!! So much fun. There are some great hills there. I really want to go again!!! I got the tubes taken out of my arm today. NO MORE TUBES. :) Well, we can hope.

Talk to you soon!!


Dawn

update!!

Love you guys!! Thanks for all the comments!! The scoop is I will be home SOON!!!! I am on antibiotics for a another week or so. Starting Monday I have random appointments all week, I do have a three day weekend though, which is containing packing as much as I don't need and getting it to Marysville. WHICH MEANS..... if anyone calls me there is a great possibility that I could be in town. Which brings me to The Lights of Christmas. I want to take Hailey there the weekend after this. Does any one already have a date set for going?? Leave a comment, let me know!!

I am super excited. Things won't be a perfect world for some time but I want my life to be normal. "Guess you don't always get what ya' want". Christmas..... it will be good. I can't, I'm not supposed to hug or shake hands with anyone during the Cold/FLU season. Hailey is my exception. :)

Thank you all for caring so much. It does mean a lot to me. This process isn't over when I get home and might not be for some time so please keep me bookmarked, "favorited" or just become a follower, as I am excited to continue to keep in touch with everyone while get my life put back half way together.


The donations are exceptional. THANK YOU. I can not wait until these hard times are over. I know things are hard for everyone this time of year and I think about you all. Seattle is great and all but I am not prepared to live here again anytime soon. :) I just want to go home! "There's no place like home, there's no place like home, there's no place like home......."

I seen a roll of wrapping paper at the Safeway in Seattle today and it was of the The Christmas Story. I really wanted to get it but I couldn't today.... has anyone seen it in Marysville... I still want it.

Thanks again for everything,



Dawn

P.S. Mom, Dad, Billy, Breanna.... Love you so much, can't wait to come home.

Finally A Positive Test Result

Well they have done a whole bunch of tests on Dawn over the last couple of weeks and finally got a positive test result. They found a negative gram rod in her blood cultures from yesterday. This is a type of blood infection but they aren't for sure what exact type it is. They have to grow more on the cultures to get a more pin pointed diagnosis. They have her on antibiotics and she should be ok to leave by Monday. Hopefully this will be the last time in the hospital. They are most likely going to pull her Hickman line incase the infection got in her line. They were planning to pull her Hickman before she goes home anyways due to the risk of blood clots if they leave it in. They believe the blood infection is from herself due to the conditioning of her treatment. When a person is on antibiotics for a long period of time it kills the good and bad flora in her body. When it does this any bug in her gut can get out of control and seep through the intestinal walls into her blood. So even though Dawn has to be extra cautious for the next year or so she could still give her self a bug. She is the biggest threat to herself over the next few months. LET THIS BE THE END.

Back In The Hospital

So it is official, Dawn has been admitted back into the hospital for a fever and chills. Not sure how long she will be there this time because they don't know what is wrong yet. It could be a whole bunch of things but until the results from all the tests come back, we won't know anything. The tests could take up to 5 days before they know what is happening. I am staying at the apartment tonight because Dawn is in isolation. People can still go and visit her they just have to wear a gown and gloves while in the room. I hope more people can actually get down there to see her, even if its only for a hour. It will help her with her depression and help her not feel all alone. If anyone is interested and wants to know the room number or directions just let me know.

Can Anything Go Right

Well everything has been going somewhat ok until today. Dawn woke up at 5 am with a fever and chills. I called the clinic like I am supposed to and they said give her tylenol and come in at 8am. So we did and upon getting here the triage nurse wants to know why we didnt come in sooner. I told her what the nurse on the phone said and they were't happy by her decision. As it was put to me they have wrote an incidence report on that nurse. They have no clue what is going on cause her neutrophils jumped to over 5000 today. A very large jump for 1 day. They say if it was an infection her body should be able to fight it on its own with her counts where they are. She is most likely going to have to be admitted to the hospital again because they can't get her fever and chills under control which means there is most likely something more serious going on. The only other thing they said could be going on is her body is reacting to how fast her numbers are jumping. It isn't common but can happen. Well we all know when they say it isn't common what to look forward to cause that is what happens to Dawn. I will post later tonight to update if she goes to the hospital or not.

Prison Break!!!!!

Dawn escaped the hospital today. She is at home and doing well. We have appointments everyday through the weekend. Her neutrophils where up the 580 today and they wanted her to be above 500 to be safe to leave. Normal range for most people is 1800 and up, so she has aways to go before she is out of the woods. If all goes well we could be able to move home by Christmas.

My Thanksgiving dinner. Alone..... :(

Happy Thanksgiving??

Is it really a "Happy" thanksgiving? I'm having a hard time feeling that way when you can't enjoy it with the ones you love. I miss yoo so much dear and hope you can get out tomorrow. If not I am still coming down there to visit. Hang in there a know we would be there if we could. Have a wonderful day and call whenever you are up to it. Hailey says hi and she loves you as much as a big box of chocolates. I love you too and will see you tomorrow.

Love

Ron and Hailey

Become a follower??

If you haven't already become a follower!! The more the merrier!!!! Love all of you guys!! Come join me in my adventure. Thank you everyone who has donated so far, it is a HUGE help. Living in Seattle is tough. Can't wait to come home!

ISOLATION.

It's official. I'm stuck. alone. I can leave my room and walk the hall if I wear a gown and gloves. woo. friggin'. whoo. anyone who comes in my room has to wear special gowns and gloves. CDIFF is what they are calling it. Apparently everyone has it in them and it only shows up in immunosuppressed people. Of course, I gotta get it. One nurse said 5 days stuck. Doc says 10. I'll ask the "team" tomorrow. Ron left. Went home tonight. Gonna miss him. Hard having someone so close to your side all the time just be gone. crying now. this is shitty. He's going to go get Hailey tomorrow and spend some time with her. Hopefully get the web cam up at grandma's house so I can talk to them and see them both.

Can't type anymore. Hands really hurt still.


Love you Ron. Miss you already. Miss you Hailey. Thank you Lizzy for coming and staying the other night. Thank you mom and Breanna for coming to see my that meant a lot.

Love you guys. Can't wait to feel better.


Love,


Dawn

Day 12

So today the doctors reported Dawns neutrophils have increased to 40 from 2 days ago which they were 10. She still needs them to be 500 to be safe. Also her white blood cells increased to 950 from 470 the day before. Her rash seemed to clear up on her upper body but has spread to her lower body. They also said it would probably be at least 5 more days until she is discharged. She has aquired a cough and has had alot of nausea. They think she might have acquired a cold but still waiting for blood cultures to see. Hopefully none of her visitors came down here with symptoms of a cold and didn't say anything cause that would not be good for her to get a cold right now with no immune system. We most likely will know more tommorow as to the results of the blood cultures.

Day 10

Well Dawn is still having chills and a fever off and on. Today the doctors reported that her numbers are starting to rise. Her neutrophils are at 10. They have been at 0 for 11 days . She needs her neutrophils to be above 500 so she is safe enough to leave the hospital. They are expecting, if all goes as planned, for this to happen in the next 5 to 7 days, so she could be released as soon as friday. She also has been getting a rash which the doctors are looking into. They aren't sure if it is from the medications or chemo drugs or possibly GVHD (graft versus host disease). The GVHD is not common in autologous transplants but apperently can happen.

Day 9

Well today is day 9 after the stemcell transplant. So far none of Dawn's numbers have come up. She woke up with a fever of 102.4 and a really bad bloody nose. Her platelet counts are really low again and she is getting a bag of platelets right now. Once the platlets are in she should be able to stop the bleeding nose. For now it is just pressure. She can't sniffle or blow her nose or anything cause of the potential for more bleeding.

Day 8 of "rebirth"

Hey everyone.... still in hospital. Doctors say my mouth is looking great. Had a fever last night. It finally went down. I am feeling much better today. Woke up around 7 and I am getting very tired. Judy is here, she stayed the night. Thanks Judy. I hope Ron and Hailey have fun going to see the Bolt movie today!

Love You Mommy

Hailey says she loves you and so do I.

Thanks JA!

Judy, my boss is coming to stay the night with me so Ron can go spend the evening with Hailey again. I think they are going to see Bolt the new movie coming out 2mrw about a dog. Hailey is very excited. I can't wait to take her to movies again.

Google has been warned!

IT WORKS!!

Thanks so much Nana for figuring out the problems!!!!!!!! U saved us!!! Glad someone can understand all that mumbo jumbo!!!!

Love, Dawn & Ron & Greg

A little update....

Hey everyone..... It's Dawn. I'm doing alright.... got some really bad mucositis.... sore throat, some sores in mouth. Got a push button for meds, gave me a great nap. Feeling alright otherwise. Miss being in the outside world. Ron is superman. He's folding my laundry for me right now. Hailey is going to Jenny's house for Jaden's birthday today. Got a pic from dad that she picked out a big construction truck. She looked proud. Hope she has fun at the party. Can't wait to see the pics Jenny..... :) Hope everyone has a good weekend. Thanks again for everyone being there for me. Love you guys.


Dawn

Love you Ron

Thank you honey for everything. You have been by my side through all of this and it means so much to me. I know I can be tough to be around sometimes and I am sorry for that. I love you with all my heart. You have no idea how much you mean to me. Thank you again.

Love,

Dawn

STEMCELLS ARE IN

Dawn has just recieved her stemcells over the last 45 minutes and seems to be doing fine right now. She had some nausea during the infusion but the oranges helped with that.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAWN

Well today is the big day. Dawn will recieve her stemcells at 11:30 A.M. This process should take an hour for just the cells but about 6 hours overall for hydration and premedications. DMSO is a chemical used to freeze her stemcells and is the main cause of side effects such as nausea and wierd tickling feeling in the throat. They say if she smells orange slices and sucks on peppermint candies during the infusion will help the discomfort from the DMSO. I will try to put some pictures up later showing all the stuff they are doing..

Everything Is Finally On Track

So Dawn is doing fairly well giving the circumstances. She is really tired and fatigued. Also she is really depressed she is stuck here and can't go anywhere off this floor. Her blood counts are really low which is what is expected. She is set to have her stemcell transplant tommorow. That will be what is considered her new birthday. If anyone wants to post a comment please do so, because she does read those and really enjoys hearing from you guys since she can't go visit everyone like she used to.

Madagascar 2

Thanks again Michelle for coming down and being with Dawn for the day. It helped me get some time out of here and go see my kid. I took Hailey to see the new movie Madagascar 2 and she really enjoyed it, as did I. It means alot to me to get to go she her every chance I can. I just wish Dawn didn't have to miss out on those moments too, but under the circumstances it is what is best for her health. We most likely will be here through Thanksgiving and that kinda sucks but at least she is safer here and hopefully this will all be over soon.

Thanks Jenny and Lizzy

Today Jenny and Lizzy came down to the hospital to visit Dawn. I want to thank both of you cause it means alot to Dawn and I to have good friends like you in our lives. Even though Dawn was out of it and slept while Jenny was here, it still helped make her day seem somewhat normal. Tommorow is a day of rest then another day of chemo on veterans day. Then another day of rest before the stem cell transplant. Also want to thank Charles, my best friend, for all he has done and all the times he has come down to hang out(even though he will never see this on a computer). Dawn has done fairly well today and is sleeping well now. She was drunk earlier cause the chemo she got earlier wasnt diluted and was alcohol based. They said about the equivilent to 4 shots of 50 proof liquor. Good for her she had been wanting a drink for some time now.

So Chemotherapy Will Begin Today

So Dawn has been giving the all clear to start her etoposide today and everything should begin in around an hour or so. She is feeling ok right now but that I,m sure is going to change

PREGNANT WHAT?????????

Well once again Dawn is delayed on her chemo and stem cell transplant because of all things she is PREGNANT.... The bleeding from Thursday night was because in fact she is pregnant and her body was trying to abort the pregnancy. We found out last night at 5:30 pm. We are now currently in the hospital and will be here for the longhaul. Nobody can believe this has happened because we were told in June that there would be 100% no chance of her ever conceiving again due to the chemo she has already had. On top of that she is still on the same birth control she has been on for years. The doctors and everyone are shocked and because of the radiation she recieved over the last week the pregnancy was not viable. So today they had to terminate the pregnancy and everything SHOULD continue in a few days or so as long as the healing is good and there is no signs of infection. What the helll is next..... This is literally a 1st time ever the cancer docs have come across this...TO BE CONTINUED.

Its Going To Be A Rough Day

Dawn is on her last two TBI treatments today. She is not feeling well at all right now,I think it has all finally caught up to her. She has had severe stomach aching and nausea and last night experienced blood in her urine. It only happened once so that is good it hasn't continued. We will be in the clinic all day tommorow for her chemo which will take at least 8 hours, so if anyone wants to come see her that isn't sick, it would be a good "pick me up" for her.

Thank you!

To Nicholette and Judy, thanks for offering to come down and be with Dawn. Judy will be coming down that day. Nicholette, Dawn says hi and thanks for being available anytime.

If Anyone Is Interested

I would like to now if anyone is interested to come to Seattle on November 21st and spend the day with Dawn and take her to the appointments. I would like to take Hailey to the new movie Bolt that she really wants to see. But no one say anything to her so It will be a surprise and also not a let down if something falls through. Anyone interested call me and you can't be sick or have been sick recently.

So Treatment Has Finally Began

Well TBI was started yesterday and will continue through friday twice a day. Dawn is pretty exhausted and fatiqued from the radiation and she has had some significant nausea, but the nausea pills seem to be holding it all back. I have been giving her IV fluids at home between treatments for 5 hours everyday. Doing this and drinking lots of fluids will help "clean the deck of all the debris" which is all the dead cells being flushed from her body. If she doesn't do this on top of getting lots of protein everyday it could plug up her liver and kidneys and cause severe infection and other major problems. After fridays last TBI treatment we have to spend about 8 to 10 hours at the clinic on saturday getting her Etopiside(VP-16). This chemo and the other one to be recieved on Monday,cyclophosmamide, are said to be about 40 times greater than any chemo she has recieved previously. On Noverber 12 Dawn will recieve her own stem cells back in an infusion process taking about 6 hours or more. This is what is considered to be her NEW BIRTHDAY. From there it's hope I can keep her outpatient so she doesnt end up in the hospital. Everyday testing will follow and if all goes as planned with no more complications, we should be able to move back home around Dec. 22nd. She will still have to come to Seattle every week for a while, but it is better home than here everyday.

Thank you Ron for taking care of my daughter You are so strong she needs you so much we all love you momma Dianna, Billy and Breanna

I miss my Baby Girl (sad) Breanna And Billy got there blood work on sunday just in case Sissy needs them went ok We all love you more than we can say

HALLOWEEN!!

Got Hailey for the weekend of Halloween! Lots of fun. Took the kids out around Jenny's house, Jaden, Blake and Hailey had a great time. If only their parents would let them eat all the candy they got... gosh its great being a parent. Don't have to dress up and get TONS of candy! Dawn loves this holiday!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!

I get to have Hailey!!!! Going to get her today and take her out to get candy! She's going to stay the night with us too!!! Very excited. She's Hannah Montana this year.... would anyone have guessed....? Hope everyone has a safe holiday!

Love,

D@wn

Size Matters :)

Hopefully Dawn doesn't end up needing one even bigger than this.

A day off.

Nothing is going as planned. TBI didn't start. The wounds from my VATS procedure are not healing fast enough. They won't TBI me until I am healed up. Greg came down and went to the Food safty class today with Ron. The clinic is hoping to start TBI and chemo next week maybe. Tomorrow I go in to have my "wounds" checked out again. I have lived here for 2 months and still have not gotten ANY treatment for CANCER!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What's going on.....

Tomorrow will be my third infusion of Palifermin, before I start TBI (Total Body Irradiation) on Tuesday. TBI is scheduled twice a day at 8am and 7pm Tuesday through Friday. That's as far as my schedule goes for now... chemo will be afterwards. I am pretty sad I missed pumpkin carving and Billy's birthday party. There is a door decorating contest in our building for Halloween. Tomorrow when I get it decorated I will post a picture. Not sure what the prize for winning is but I am super excited that my competition looks bleak. :)


Thanks for being my "followers"!!!!!!!!!!! I would love to get a hi or a comment from anyone if your not too busy. I read the ones that are posted and appreciate it. Thanks. Until tomorrow.

Hailey if you read this.... I LOVE YOU!!!!!!

Happy Birthday Billy!! Love you!! Hope everyone had fun carving pumpkins today. Think this is the first time in 27 years I have missed either my brother's birthday or pumpkin carving at grandma's. Miss you guys. Talk to you soon!


Love, Dawn

FLU SHOTS....

Please Read.

Thanks Greg!!

I would like to thank Greg, Ron's brother, for speaking with his boss and being able to provide a day a week of his time down here in Seattle helping Ron take care of me, giving Ron a break is a very important thing. Hailey will be excited to see her daddy more.

Thanks again Greg!!

Proposed Plan by the SCCA~DATA REVIEW NOTES

October 22, 2008
Re: Dawn Robertson
Notes from SCCA data review:

Data Review Notes

Paraneoplastic Syndrome

Anyone know what's wrong with me? I am great today. No idea what ten minutes will show. No appetite. At least they let me leave the floor today went outside. Nice day. Ron and Charles went to go get me food. Mindy visited today too. Had a couple coffees and a nap. I am in this bottom of the barrel strange category where no one can really tell what's wrong with me. The docs are keeping me here for another day or so to monitor me. Who knows what will happen.

Could be Paraneoplastic Syndrome

Antibiotic side effect
or Pregnason (sp?) keeping a "tumor" from giving me side effects.

Who knows.

9 days here so far.8NE ain't it great. :)

Thanks everyone for being here and thinking of me. Mom, Dad, Billy, Breanna, Love u guys.

off for now to play a game while I can.

Family.

Mom, Breanna and Austin came to visit today. It's nice to have visitors. At home or the hospital. Just no sick people. Weird symptoms today. Lots of dizziness and some double vision. Never a fever. They are keeping my hydrated and still pumping antibiotics in me. Not sure when the blood cultures will come back and if they will even show anything. Stuck here until Wednesday at least. Monday they have a VATS Procedure scheduled for me.

Hopefully I will see Hailey before the weekend is over.

Back in the hospital.

Went in for a bag of antifungal medication because a spot that was found in my lung, after the bronchoscopy (they went in and cleaned out the area and sampled the fluid around it) so, it never grew any bacteria or infection... it must be fungus... next thing I know I am shiver, chattering, FREEZING, again. Oh my, another SOMETHING. It's always something these days. In the hospital now. Took an ambulance over to the UWMCagain. That's where I am at now. Feeling fine again. Like I could go home. Must wait until the blood cultures show something... figure out why I got the fever.

MMMM.....COFFEE......

Boy was it a long weekend!!!! We had Hailey stay with us for 4 days!! It was WONDERFUL! All sorts of free passes are given out at the SCCA so we were able to take her to the Pacific Science Center for FREE. The best price. So much fun. I'd have to say her favorite thing there was the large bubble blower. Can't explain it. You got to ck it out. Seen the dinosaurs and lots of mechanical things... the butterfly exibit was beautiful. Got some really great pictures! I hope I get to see her again soon.

Maybe it was the cheese?

It all started on Wed. regular clinic exam but I was having a terrible headache. I mentioned it to the doc's but they didn't seem to worried, said give her some Benadryl and let her rest, it's probably a migraine. I didn't have a temp at that point and my vitals were fine. We left the clinic and before we even got home something had changed. I was shaking and shivering uncontrollably, just plain FREEZING, teeth chattering the whole bit. Ron got me up stairs and into bed. "Lots of extra blankets" I asked. He gave me some Benadryl and was going to run to the store while I got some rest. Fortunately he took my temp again (mind u it had just been fine at the clinic) and I was at 103!! He called the clinic immediately and they said get her in here asap. I was wheeled up to the 5th floor triage while he parked the car. I was getting scared. I couldn't stop shivering. Next thing I know my blood pressure is dropping my temp is still going up and now at 103.4, this is after they had given me a hand full of antibiotics and fluids. By the time Ron had gotten up from parking the car the ambulance had already been called. I was heading to the UWMC fast.

After four days of waiting for blood cultures to grow.... I have a blood infection. How I got it no one can explain. I was very worried because I had just had feta cheese the night before and then found out Wed (my nutrition appt before the clinic exam) that I can NOT eat soft cheeses. I was convinced it was all my fault. Darn feta cheese. It was good tho!! The nurse ends up telling for the amount of infection I had I would have had to pull out my Hickman line and rub the cheese all over it and stick it back in! Okay... so it wasn't the cheese. But note to self must be more careful when trying new foods.

I am good now. Back at home. FINALLY. Antibiotics galore!

Ron, Hailey and his brother Greg went to the aquarium today. Lizzy's staying here with me. "Just in case".... very glad Hailey and Ron are doing something fun together. We miss her more than anyone could imagine.

HARVESTING.

Sunday of all days. I guess when the doc's say the numbers are good they take action! Ron and Lizzy stayed there with me. No big thing.... they use this HUGE machine to take my blood out and filter it to get the "baby" stem cells out so they can freeze them for me later. It took about 5 hours total. They got over 10 MILLION of the little guys!!!! The docs had forewarned me it could take more than one harvesting to get all they needed. I sure don't have to go back. My whole team was ecstatic! This is great!!! Things can go on just as planned now!!!!

The Pete Gross House

Well, we have officially moved to Seattle. They won't treat me if I don't. Hailey is living with my dad now. Hope she does well. Rent is a fortune. How is this going to work. Hope the fundraising money lasts a while.... nice apartment. Only cancer patients live here. We got a one bedroom apartment, at first you think I don't have a good view but then all u can see is the Space Needle! Turns out not so bad. It as a beautiful roof top seating area. You can see all of Seattle. I love this town! My house is just minutes from the Seattle Cancer Care Alliance. Hope this place works. Fix me.

The community comes together.

I had no idea the generosity of others until this last weekend. We had a fundraising event at grandma's house. The entire community came together to help my family. Donations came from as far north as Anacortes to as far south as Lynnwood! It was a community yard sale. A 3 day event. Since Ron will be leaving his work on the 5th. To become my full time caregiver. Boy is it going to be tough. Don't know how we are going to make it through all of this. I'm in the hospital now getting chemo. Thankfully my aunt Michelle is spending the 3 or 4 days with me here until he can wrap things up at work. That's all for now. I am tired.

Hailey's Early Birthday!

We had an early birthday party for Hailey yesterday. Everyone showed up! It was wonderful. HANNAH MONTANA everywhere! I knew by what the doc's were telling me that come Oct. 13th (her actual birthday). I wasn't going to be in a position to be at a birthday party. I sure didn't want to miss it. She had friends from her daycare come. It was a fabulous party!!!

Lots of visitors at the hospital today. ICE chemo not so bad. Hardly having any side effects... hope this stuff is working.

BALD.

Woke up this morning and while showering.... it all started falling out.... big clumps. I thought.. ok... I'll just pull it all out... well, that didn't work. Get upstairs. Call Ron. Crying. I have to shave it! Of course this was the day I had plans with Lizzy to go to the Trisha Yearwood concert!!!! AAAAHHHHH!!!!! So, I call my hairstylist and of course she is camping. :( So I finally find a salon open on a Sunday. Get right down there...grandma, Breanna, mom, Ron, Lizzy, Hailey and me! They videoed it. Lots of tears. Quickly ran to the outlet mall to get a new hat for the concert. Made it in time!! Boy it was Awesome!!!! I am tired. Going to bed now.

What a mess. Did 4 days inpatient.... ICE after they removed my old port and put a Hickman catheter in. Got really sick from the dalotin(sp?) pain med. yuck. Just got home last night. lots of throwing up last night and today. Spent 4 hrs in hospital today getting rehydrated. Got all moved. Living with my grandma now. Quit my job. I miss work. Haven't had enough energy to even ck emails. Very shitty feeling so useless. Hoping after wounds heal can feel more normal again. Over a year they say with the Hickman hanging out of me. Really take some getting used to. My husband is being so helpful. He is very wonderful. Another week or so and I should be bald. Nervous about that. Ron my hubby saw a girl the other day w/out hair. Was quite a shock for him. He said he felt better after he seen she had a smile on her face and was looking well. Loosing my hair... again the least of my worries. So two more rounds of ICE wait 3 weeks go back in for 3 days then another 3 weeks then go back for 3 days.... then they will take out baby stem cells and freeze 'em. Then blast me with some more even worse chemo.... then I think 10-20 days in hospital to see if stem cells re-grow themselves. Chopped off my hair on the 4th. Almost shaved it. Would have been 3 weeks of unnecessary baldness. That’s all for now.

Made homemade rootbeer at grandma's house with Ron, Hailey, and Breanna. I love these moments.

Oh my... what’s going to happen. Right now CT scan on 6.30 to see how far it has come in 2 mos. Results on 7.2. Current plan from doc is 3 days of chemo ICE I think or poss a clinic trial... i gotta read more about... ok so 3 days of chemo in hospital every 3 weeks for 3 times. Then stem cell transplant with between 10-20 days in hospital. Poss radiation poss not. Not sure. Won't know anymore until 7.2 when get results of scan. Think I am kidding myself if I think I will be able to work during all of this. Family meeting w/my whole family practically on the 4th to see where me/husband/daughter can live during all of this. Just so lost. "The State" won't help w/temporary disability until I am unemployed for 90 days. So think I need to stop working now and start counting my 90 days because in 90 days boy am i going to need help. Everything is a mess. This SUCKS. Love all of u. Hope I don't lose my internet when we move.

The results. REFRACTORY HODGKIN’S LYMPHOMA!! From what I have read its more intensive chemo then radiation but possibly a stem cell transplant?? I go to Seattle Cancer Care Alliance (SCCA) on Wednesday... they should be telling me then what they are thinking. The big lymph node that is pressing on my head and giving me headaches is still there... I asked the ENT doc what he suggested about that and he said just start treatment ASAP. I had already went through ABVD and it killed all the bad stuff they had originally found. HOW IN THE WORLD DOES IT CONTINUE TO GROW NEW STUFF AND KILL THE OLD STUFF AT THE SAME TIME???? That's definitely a question I have for SCCA.

Bowling with cancer. Apparently can't happen. My husband really enjoys bowling... I liked to imagine it was something we could do "together". He as been a league for a month or two now. He is really enjoying it. I am happy to give him his "time away" too. So he wanted to go tonight to practice before "league" tomorrow. He invites me. I can't go. My shoulder is so sore still. It's always something. It's getting pretty depressing. I was in the restroom today at work admiring all the sticky tape residue on my neck. Lovely isn't it. Looking at my white gauze padding still covering my incision I try to tell myself... it's all going to get better. Then I remember. Even if I do have to go through a ton more chemo and find out about the wonderful thing called radiation that sunburns you from the inside out... (woo hoo... SIGN ME UP!!) I still will have another surgery to remove the damn port when everything is done. Man does this suck. I am "staying positive". Trying. I just want to stop being so strong. Husband, house, four year old daughter. Try to still fit in 40 hours a week at my job (around all the random doctors appointments). While I still can, we figure its best to work as much as possible now before I can't. So thankfully he took our daughter to bowling too. Give me an hour or so of "rest". Hope you all have a wonderful night. Any words of encouragements are GREATLY welcome. :)

Another one bites the dust. Take out all the lymph nodes... pleeeeeaseeeee!!!!!!! Take all the cancer away. I don't want it. Believe I may be getting symptoms. Night sweats. What is really wrong with me thought?? Who friggen' knows. By the 19th I should have some answers. Hopefully no later. Don't know how much longer I can wait. To everyone that is there for me, thank you. Love you all.

HAD BIOPSY TODAY.
Went fine. Not in pain. No complications. No stretching of my shoulder nerve. I can remove the bandages tomorrow. Quick update is all. Results on the 19th. A little drugged. Feeling fine. :)

I wanted to be done with this stuff. Chance of an infection? No idea. Tuesday. Consultation for a biopsy. WHY CANT I JUST BE DONE?? AHHHH. Was hoping to just be done. Get everything taken care of and be back to "normal".
Called Doc office to see if I could get in sooner then Tuesday. Scheduling girl... "oh... I'm surprised you got in this soon....this must be urgent... we don't have any openings until the 19th of June." Thanks a lot...

talked to the doc today only one more round of chemo left!! Then radiology for a week and I am free and clear!!!! Did notice a new lymph node behind my ear but doc said not to worry... this last round should do the trick, next week some scans and meet with the radiologist and be on my way!!!!

OK. First treatment done. Yuck. Was there from 7:45 to 3:30, only 3 1/2 hrs of treatment. yuck yuck yuck. Feel very tired. Not too nauseous. Good. First day back to work. Do NOT want to set at computer when at home. Must sit in front of one all day at work. No mood to do it at home too. Thank you everyone for being a part of this with me.

I got my hair cut. It's not too short. I didn't want it cut at all. Oh well. I am getting nervous about Thursday. I hate being cut open. Please everyone understand you have NO IDEA how wonderful it is for your support and wishes. It means the world. Thank you.

What a horrible morning. I did not want to get out of bed today. I finally did. Ron sent me flowers today at work. They are wonderful. He is sweet. He will be able to come with me on the 11th. He took the day off. I am still nervous about the port... I don't want to have any more surgeries. It’s on the 10th.

Happy New Year!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I start chemo on the 11th of January, I have to be there at 8am for a radiation appointment... not sure what that’s for just yet, treatment will start at 11am and should last about 3 hours. .I suppose I should get used to spending time in doctors offices. I get my port (aka funnel) put in on the 10th at 8am. Ron's mom is taking me. I am nervous about that. Another surgery. Not sure how long treatment will be at this point. Going over the results of the bone marrow biopsy and the PET scan on the 11th w/the doc. Last I heard it would be 3 or 4 months. Hopefully that count doesn't increase. I don't want to loose my hair. I am getting it chopped off on the 4th.... 2 days. Hailey is getting her hair cut too. That will be good times. I am nervous and anxious. I am not sleeping well. Thank you for reading.