Dawn Rising

Bowling with cancer. Apparently can't happen. My husband really enjoys bowling... I liked to imagine it was something we could do "together". He as been a league for a month or two now. He is really enjoying it. I am happy to give him his "time away" too. So he wanted to go tonight to practice before "league" tomorrow. He invites me. I can't go. My shoulder is so sore still. It's always something. It's getting pretty depressing. I was in the restroom today at work admiring all the sticky tape residue on my neck. Lovely isn't it. Looking at my white gauze padding still covering my incision I try to tell myself... it's all going to get better. Then I remember. Even if I do have to go through a ton more chemo and find out about the wonderful thing called radiation that sunburns you from the inside out... (woo hoo... SIGN ME UP!!) I still will have another surgery to remove the damn port when everything is done. Man does this suck. I am "staying positive". Trying. I just want to stop being so strong. Husband, house, four year old daughter. Try to still fit in 40 hours a week at my job (around all the random doctors appointments). While I still can, we figure its best to work as much as possible now before I can't. So thankfully he took our daughter to bowling too. Give me an hour or so of "rest". Hope you all have a wonderful night. Any words of encouragements are GREATLY welcome. :)