Oh my... what’s going to happen. Right now CT scan on 6.30 to see how far it has come in 2 mos. Results on 7.2. Current plan from doc is 3 days of chemo ICE I think or poss a clinic trial... i gotta read more about... ok so 3 days of chemo in hospital every 3 weeks for 3 times. Then stem cell transplant with between 10-20 days in hospital. Poss radiation poss not. Not sure. Won't know anymore until 7.2 when get results of scan. Think I am kidding myself if I think I will be able to work during all of this. Family meeting w/my whole family practically on the 4th to see where me/husband/daughter can live during all of this. Just so lost. "The State" won't help w/temporary disability until I am unemployed for 90 days. So think I need to stop working now and start counting my 90 days because in 90 days boy am i going to need help. Everything is a mess. This SUCKS. Love all of u. Hope I don't lose my internet when we move.

The results. REFRACTORY HODGKIN’S LYMPHOMA!! From what I have read its more intensive chemo then radiation but possibly a stem cell transplant?? I go to Seattle Cancer Care Alliance (SCCA) on Wednesday... they should be telling me then what they are thinking. The big lymph node that is pressing on my head and giving me headaches is still there... I asked the ENT doc what he suggested about that and he said just start treatment ASAP. I had already went through ABVD and it killed all the bad stuff they had originally found. HOW IN THE WORLD DOES IT CONTINUE TO GROW NEW STUFF AND KILL THE OLD STUFF AT THE SAME TIME???? That's definitely a question I have for SCCA.

Bowling with cancer. Apparently can't happen. My husband really enjoys bowling... I liked to imagine it was something we could do "together". He as been a league for a month or two now. He is really enjoying it. I am happy to give him his "time away" too. So he wanted to go tonight to practice before "league" tomorrow. He invites me. I can't go. My shoulder is so sore still. It's always something. It's getting pretty depressing. I was in the restroom today at work admiring all the sticky tape residue on my neck. Lovely isn't it. Looking at my white gauze padding still covering my incision I try to tell myself... it's all going to get better. Then I remember. Even if I do have to go through a ton more chemo and find out about the wonderful thing called radiation that sunburns you from the inside out... (woo hoo... SIGN ME UP!!) I still will have another surgery to remove the damn port when everything is done. Man does this suck. I am "staying positive". Trying. I just want to stop being so strong. Husband, house, four year old daughter. Try to still fit in 40 hours a week at my job (around all the random doctors appointments). While I still can, we figure its best to work as much as possible now before I can't. So thankfully he took our daughter to bowling too. Give me an hour or so of "rest". Hope you all have a wonderful night. Any words of encouragements are GREATLY welcome. :)

Another one bites the dust. Take out all the lymph nodes... pleeeeeaseeeee!!!!!!! Take all the cancer away. I don't want it. Believe I may be getting symptoms. Night sweats. What is really wrong with me thought?? Who friggen' knows. By the 19th I should have some answers. Hopefully no later. Don't know how much longer I can wait. To everyone that is there for me, thank you. Love you all.

HAD BIOPSY TODAY.
Went fine. Not in pain. No complications. No stretching of my shoulder nerve. I can remove the bandages tomorrow. Quick update is all. Results on the 19th. A little drugged. Feeling fine. :)